It's All Connected

It's All Connected

Monday, June 28, 2010

Remember the D.A.R.E. guy?

I think it was the D.A.R.E. guy that taught me these things. The most important thing to know is that sometime around the fifth or sixth grade, an officer came to our school and talked to us about Safety First. I may not remember if he was the D.A.R.E. guy as well, I do know he wasn't the Smoky the Bear* guy, but I do remember what he taught us.

Apparently I am the only one.

Last Friday I was given the awesome task at work to go and get the ladies I work with some lunch. Normally, I am all for doing this. It means I get to see the sunshine, and I get to have a cigarette. Friday was different because it was Hoopfest weekend, and I work downtown (enter mutual nods of understanding here).

Now, I don't have anything against Hoopfest. I played in it when I was young, I've watched more games than can be counted, and I know it is awesome revenue for Spokane. I DO have an issue with all of the tourists who don't follow the laws of well...EVERYTHING!

I blamed the experience I am about to describe on such tourists, but after today I believe this stupid biatch was a Spokanite who needs to be sterilized.

I was being sent to Dick's for lunch, and I knew traffic would be horrific and I was nearly out of gas. So, I stopped at Divine's on third to fill up. Now, if you live in Spokane, you know that third is a one way street that runs east. While waiting for an opening to pull out, I look east for pedestrians, not a soul in site, then I'm looking west at oncoming traffic waiting for an opening. Three years later, one appears and I start to go. I hear, "UUUUGGGH, you stupid fucking cunt!" come from the east. I stop and look and here comes some lady on a bicycle. This is where the possible D.A.R.E. guy comes in.

This is what I was taught, compared to what this lady was doing:

RIDE RIGHT, WALK LEFT. Biatch was riding left.

YOU MUST FOLLOW ALL RULES OF A MOTOR VEHICLE. Biatch was going west on a one way going east. She was on the sidewalk. She was listening to her iPod with headphones.

WEAR A HELMET. She was not wearing a helmet...she was barely wearing clothes.

I stop well short of the intersection, she rides in front of me, and I couldn't help myself, I say, "I'm not the one breaking any laws you stupid bitch!" I know, I know, bad form. I should have kept my cool, but come one, she called me a cunt! That is a word you do not use for strangers, it is a very personal insult, and I did not appreciate this fat broad calling me the C word.

I think the blaming of Hoopfest happened at Dick's, because nobody knew how their system worked, and I was there for far too long.

Today, it happened again. Three kids (I'm gonna say punks, because they were being punky) so these punks come riding, on the sidewalk, on the left, with no helmets, and blow through a stop sign like it was a kazoo. I slam on my brakes, because I was the one without a stop sign, and they yell, "Watch where you're going, bitch!"

Sigh. Does the D.A.R.E. guy not do those speeches anymore? Are their parents hoping for a traumatic brain injury because they're tired of raising punks? Ugh, I'm so annoyed.

*Here's a little interesting factoid. Did you know it is against FEDERAL law to take the name of Smokey the Bear in vain??? I've yet to be given a ticket, but it is my lifelong goal.

Later skaters, and remember, that D.A.R.E. guy worked hard on those presentations, so let's show him some respect and follow bicycle safety laws.


  1. also: illegal to drive (bike) with headphones in/on as it prevents hearing emergency vehicles.

    supposedly the cops here are "too busy" to pass out bike helmet tickets but then they wonder why there are so many fatalities on the roads when it's bike (or motorbike) vs vehicle.

    and i don't think it was the d.a.r.e. guy that was drug awareness (and) resistance education...

    it also wasn't smokey- only YOU can prevent forest fires. it may have been just local EMT's...i don't remember them ever coming to MY classroom. guest speaker hog.

  2. We were brought to the library at Fort Colville, and it might have been the D.A.R.E. guy, it was on the same day, I just can't remember if there were two of them or if the D.A.R.E. guy was multi-tasking.

    I'll change my text, but just for you, because I like it, and it's easier on my eyes than light text. But, you are one of four readers, so I will achieve to make you happy. :P

  3. Not just punks, hooligans. Oh how I love to yell that word (through my safely rolled up window) at those darn kids. I've become a cranky old lady and I'm only thirty!

    I also have no recollection of this bike safety course. But I second the notion that today's hooligans should take it!

  4. Skater punks = Rapscallions. Yep, that's right. I'm bringing it back.

    Also, per the bitch to cunt escalation: next stop, "cunt maggot". Now that's taking it up a notch.


  5. That might just be the nastiest image that has ever been in my brain, and have you met my brain, it's pretty gnarly in there.

  6. Aaaaalso, Wonderyak...why the heck don't you follow my awesome new blog? Cunt maggot. :P