It's All Connected

It's All Connected

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I Think I'm Crazy

I was driving home today and saw this kid walking along Monroe. He was wearing red skinny jeans. Now, I'm not knocking his red pants, if it works for Santa it's okay by me. The problem with these particular pants is that they were baggy and he had them pulled down like he was Rappy McGangstapants.

I then had an argument with myself inside my noggin. I do this quite often and am hoping I'm not the only one because it's no fun being the only loony in the Canadian coin purse.

Let's give you an example.

I was driving one day (it might have also been today) and I saw this house for sale. Even though I recently signed a lease and have no intention of moving any time soon, I looked over at this cute little house. I noticed that the front lawn was all rocks. I thought to myself, "that's the dumbest thing I have ever seen. Why would somebody do that?" I then promptly argued,
"it could be a little old person who no longer has the energy to keep up a lawn. Why are you so judgmental?"
"Well, self, that's a very good point, but may I just point out that if an old person were to fall they would be much more likely to break a hip on those rocks than on say some grass."
"You also make a fine point, but we cannot see their backyard, maybe it is lined with that bouncy asphalt like substance that they make playgrounds out of because kids these days are a bunch of pussies. Maybe this old person only goes in and out through the back and the front is just for show."
"Well, that...screw you and your slightly less judgmental (except to the children of today) logic. I'm done talking to you now."

That is usually how these things go in my head. I really hope I am not alone here, because when I reread that I find it makes me sound absolutely nutso.

Back to the red pants.

I think to myself, "why? They are skinny jeans for Pete's sake. They are not meant to be worn like gangster pants because they are supposed to make you look SKINNY!"
"Geez, lay off the poor kid, maybe he's just too skinny for skinny jeans."
"You mean like he's underfed?"
"OR he has a wicked metabolism. Why must you always be so negative?"
"You're right, they are probably just ill fitting skinny jeans is all. They should make an emaciated jeans style for kids like that."
"Yeah, there you go, way to think positively."
"Or his mother could make him a sandwich."
"My sarcasm was obviously lost on you. I'm done talking to you now."
"Could it be that like your sarcasm, I just don't get fashion?"
"Really? The silent treatment? Nice, way to be a grown up. Wait, look at that house for sale with the front lawn of rocks! That's the dumbest thing I have ever seen. Why would somebody do that?"

Hug those babies, feed them a sandwich, and buy them pants that fit.


  1. Don't worry, you're not alone. I argue with myself all the time, only usually the other me is pretending to be the person I'm mad at, and trying to reason me out of my anger.

    Like that works.

    1. Right?! All that does is make me more angry at my other self, which leads her to continue trying to reason, which leads to more anger. It's a vicious circle that I believe may lead to a rip in time and space.

      Which may lead to me finally meeting the doctor.

      Which means I have a lot of arguing to do! Gotta go!